Kelly

At this moment, at this instance, our dear friend kelly should be crumpled up in his tiny seat in the airplane. Dun think he will have those thrombosis thingy which occurs to many people after being crumpled up. I believe kelly has his training before.
Not YOGA. But you know, maybe he often shares his space with THINGS in his room; and there was this time he got quite plump..........
eeeee heee heee....i wun get my retribution till months later. In any case, he might forget about this and i go off scott free

So while melly, tikoly, wussy and hangluly were sending him off at the airport, i was happily answering questions in MOE Podium level 3. But i never used that as an excuse to impart some farewell givings and wishes to Kelly. For he is our dear friend, although sometimes spastic and irritating, he is a great friend to those who knows what spastic and irritating means. haha....
And so i text him my wishes, and possessed melly for i-duno-how-long, just long enough to give him a GOOD PAT ON THE BACK. Kelly is so lucky!!

Days before, Kelly asked me: " So how? Now that we are gone... will you feel (i cant remember what word he used but it was a sad word)?"
Me:" Like that lor...nothing much. I wun consider you guys GONE"
Yeah...they are not GONE. Just somewhere further than yishun or boonlay(duh). But if you know what i mean... things like that wont evoke much of a missing or sadness. Just a little to show their significance, but not too much that it becomes decapitating. So now means of communication may have changed, but at least there are means. People may change but if people are aware of what changes may take place, things wun get too sad. Right?
Besides, changes can always be for the better.
Like kelly getting a china wife....

Have faith Angie. If any thing wrong surfaces and doubts and confusion occurs, seek not to fail but seek for thy pride to seek for solutions. Have faith in all your fellowships and in that we pray...
for strength
for clarity
for wisdom
and for thy pride to change for the better.
Amen.

Thy cannot move these bones
if those muscles do not move
if this heart dont beat
if this mind dont open the vessels
if this nose dont breathe
if these eyes dont see
if these ears dont hear
if all that is out there cannot be experienced.

In these i pray to Thee
To empower all us to be
the wisdom to see
the sensitivity to hear
the strength to climb
the courage to be trampled upon
and the love to crumble the tallest mountain in our hearts and mind.
All in all
These blessed be,
I thank Thee.

its a good day 4 mj

e weather today is cloudy and overcast w/o e dark clouds...its overcast with white fluffy teeny-bit greyish clouds...or so it seems frm this side of e window....

i got accepted.....but i havent told my mom yet.....i was half expecting (and mayb half hoping) to nt get accepted...i mean..i do wan to go n study more...cos i dun really wanna start working n stuff..but yet..i dun wanna leave....everyone says 2yrs is nt a long time...but alot can happen in 2mins..let alone 2yrs..this is one of the times when i dun think my 'flip-e-coin' theory will work...sigh...

Bosy, I would love you to read this.

Faith

Saw Harry yesterday at van's birthday party and i thought he looks alot more charming.I always thought he is somebody really sweet,generous and quite a gentleman too. But everybody is nice, and they can be nice if they can afford to. There are few that would be nice even if they are in wretched conditions themselves.True generosity shines in those who can be giving even when they cannot. I tried to live by that utopian value, but ideals dont live long because reality often gets the triumph.

I guess thats where faith comes in.Because it does not live by evidences and not at all proportionate to amount of efforts put into ideals. It is an utopian value and requires one to believe even when one cannot. Belief is an act of giving and it is both difficult and easy to master. However, belief is not like blind faith, in any case, it is the opposite of it.Because belief is a manifestation of true generosity, it is empowered by the presence of failures,despair,helplessness,disappointment,stress,sadness and regrets. Without these wretched conditions, faith cannot exist. When faith cannot exist, God cannot exist.

Faith is not for the weak hearted and narrow-minded.For it feeds on strength, that if we believe, comes from God.And if one is narrow-minded, one cannot see beyond the vision that is presented before them. They always say God has a path planned for each one of us, but if He gives one the power of free will, how does he plan so? The power of free will seemed like a ridicule against God's planned path. So many times we see ourselves in a difficult decision-making juncture, in which, both paths entails pros and cons.And if we still believe there is one planned path, we have only the future to verify this. We cant say that "ëverything happens for a purpose" unless we have reached the purpose and relect on its precedence.There is no way to falsify this belief of one-planned-path, and it is subjected to hindsight bias(that no matter how bad things are,almost anything can be rationalized as "happening for a good reason").

This vision needs a little amendment.I happened to think that God has planned for us many paths, like that of parallel universes. Every path has its reason, and each path has no way to verify its purpose unless it is reached and reflected upon. And only God can transcend all the dimensions, all the paths, to understand and vouch for their validity. For He is the Creator and El-Shaddai. We mere beings of neurotic transactions may not comprehend the purpose of life, or lives, and that's where Faith comes in. Where "...faith is being sureof what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.." and "By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible."

Amen.

Who were you in your past life?

My past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Korea around the year 1500.Your profession was that of a dramatist, director, musician or bard.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You were a sane, practical person, a materialist with no spiritual consciousness. Your simple wisdom helped the weaker and the poor.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You should develop your talent for love, happiness and enthusiasm and you should distribute these feelings to all people.

I'm a star! i'm a star!....and i'm sane? hahahh...no spiritual consciousness? simple wisdom?!!! maybe that's y im like tt now!! WOW!

Bosy..here's yours..it shld be correct unless i remember yr bday rongly...26 rite?!

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Alaska around the year 825.Your profession was that of a handicraftsman or mechanic.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Seeker of truth and wisdom. You could have seen your future lives. Others perceived you as an idealist illuminating path to future.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You fulfill your lesson by helping old folks and children. You came to this life to learn to care about the weak and the helpless.

hahah..sounds weird for u man....
except for the man part maybe....TEE HEE HEE

here's the link!
http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/

My Cyclops Adventure

O Bosy! i was so irritated cos i typed alot of stuff jus now describing my adventure...but it was all lost due to some error connection! GRrrrrr....froosgraba....

Anyway i will attempt to repeat my story.
I was saying how shocked i was wen i first saw this blog..i tot my eyes played trick on me so i had to refresh many time just to make sure. and then talking about eyes....

I think wat happend to me was so SWAY that i seriously suspect it was some voodoo work. I told you people are jealous of my talents n fan clubs and all.... *nods*

I was attacked by an innocent but deadly thing----a Banner. I give you an analogy: a paper that is as white as snow, flimsy and weak, but the edge as sharp as knife if applied correctly. Yeap...that was sorta wat happened to me la. The banner was waiting to dry ( i tell you its dam sly la! dry and hardened liao but still flimsily hanging there!), and it looked like its gona drop any moment, so the stupid good samitarian me tried to hang it back. While doing so, it SWUNG down, RIGHT INTO my RIGHT EYE! And i was wearing my goggle-specs right then u noe! So SWAY! and loser....haha...
moreover, that happened on the second last day of the project aka the Saree day in which aunty will lend us her sarees to wear. And we are suppose to make our way to the new property for some prayer and ceremony which is 5 min walk away from the old home.Imagine me winking at all those people on the road while walking there! haha...

And we had the puppet show back at the old home after the celebration at the new property. We made it into a theatre-production style..so imagine all was dark and the kids had to come up one by one into the "performance hall"..haha...some of them were too afraid to come in! Anyway they loved it.... =)

ok that was sidetrack.hee hee. So all this while my eye hurted so badly i had to visit the doctor right after the puppet show. (so i had no time to take a picture of myself in this GREEN saree that they said made me looked like a queen!) It felt like there's this big grain of sand constantly stucked in my eye. So i was brought to this hospital which looked like a clinic to me. Doctor was frenly....but thats not all!

Next mornin..it wasnt any better! infact i turned into a red-eyed cyclops and my vision was affected (like theres this waxy layer over the eye that made my vision whitishly blur)! haha..ppl were, for the first time, afraid to look at me!haha...

so they brought me to an eye specialist instead. and guess wat the specialist said! She said " stop the current medication IMMEDIATELY" and she gave me an hourly-based eye-drop medication plus some oral antibiotics i tink. Den i enquire for an explanation for the "immediately" part, so the specialist said that the current medication contained steriods that would actually reduce my immunity to some bacteria which would then infect my cornea. yes CORNEA! haha...i was quite shocked that i could be THIS CLOSE to being blind or at least partially blind.

Somehow...i think i know how kelly felt....
hahaha...

In the midst of all the discomfort, things so sweet that melts one heart happened. For that mornin which i couldnt join them for breakfast in the main hall, the children picked so many flowers for me to wish me "get-well-soon" (becos they were not allowed to come upstairs where we slept). Can u imagine wakin up in the late mornin, finding a bunch of sunshiny flowers by yr bed, plus breakfast in bed (brought up by bug and a second share by KC!)...wa...i was so touched that i cried ok! seriously lor...even as i recollect that moment...i can feel the tears comin..

And that was not all...
For that day i couldnt attend the farewell ceremony (songs and prayers) held before the dinner. Wanted so badly to see the children and all but i cant see!Wearing eye-patch worsens the pain cos its like pressing yr eye harder against that "grain of sand", so that was not a solution and thus discarded. heh heh...anyway...while i was "resting" (actually i was trying v hard to eavesdrop on wat was goin on downstairs)..aunty jenny came up...personally. And she did this special personalised prayer for me...for protection..thankin me (in other words praising me haha) etc. It was one of the most sincere prayer i have ever received thus far in my life. It left both of us crying...
will never forget that moment man.
Bosy i dont know how yet to put this feelin into words, maybe i cant...but but...its just so pure this feeling , so great that it engulfed me deeply.

After that i "forced" myself down to have dinner w them. Seroiusly i think the eye hurt super badly, but because of the kids it hurt only quite badly. When it was time for bed...i asked them if they wanted me to sing them goodnight songs(aka lullabye), cos previous nights i did so and they love it (tell u more abt it another day), and Michael (one of the kids that i got quite close to) was so eager that he went around setting up the bed just so i can sing for them. haha..but the rest werent as eager as he was...haha..so he din manage to be properly lying in bed while i sung the song. I saw the time, i saw him, and i just started singin, and bug joined me! haha...actually that night..i didnt cry as much as i tot i might. maybe cos of the eye, but i think more so of this new feeling which i cant decipher as yet. I will miss them, and cant bear to leave them, but somehow...its different from last year.*shrugs*
Infact, those who cried the most..i find that they had shed the most superficial tears. Not that they pretend to cry or wat...its just that those tears are more like atmosphere-induced kind of tears.Although i am aware that i may be biased against them, and i have no 100% assurance that i have made the absolute deduction, those who cried the least were those who interacted with the kids the most. Alot of superficial-tears members would rather play poker cards during their free time instead. *shrugs*
I'm not blaming them, nor am i saying they'r doing the wrong stuff...i think this group is more bonded..so naturally more inwardly-directed activities than outwardly. I think ultimately, it boils down to what objective(s) they brought along and formed via this project. They are not BAD ppl. =)